Author: mattkassoff

Death is coming for me. Don't get me wrong, death comes for us all, eventually. It's just that I have to deal with the knowledge that death is aggressively coming for me. Following my footsteps, never far away and forever dangerously close. I'm not trying to beat death any more. Merely trying to shake it … Continue reading Preachy Thoughts (and Sentimental Pictures) From Somewhere Over the Middle of the Atlantic

I'm laying in bed, feeling like shit after the start of my new chemo regimen. My 5fU pump is attached and I got through the Oxaliplatin and Avastin without issue yesterday, other than the typical grossness and nausea. I wasn't sure if it would take a bit for the Oxaliplatin toxicity to build again but … Continue reading Chemo: Round whatever

Well, Fuck. Again. Much like my day and post from January when I found out that even though surgery had been successful, the cancer had already returned to my liver, yesterday was a bad day. I had my PET scan scheduled for 1pm and needed an empty stomach for the scan so hadn't eaten all … Continue reading Well, Fuck. Again.

I'm trying not to borrow trouble. But I'll readily admit, it's pretty hard right now,. I hit the wall with chemo - it's breaking me mentally and the building toxicity from continued treatments is making recovery harder each time. I had a CT scan on 5/24 that showed no growth or shrinkage of the tumors … Continue reading Borrowing Trouble

I'm sitting here at Kaiser Franklin in the infusion center receiving round 16 of chemo. It still sucks. I'm feeling the effects of chemo longer after each infusion as the toxicity builds up from continuing treatments. I'm still crying often but trying to fill all the time in between with laughter. I had my labs … Continue reading Chemo: Rounds 14-16 – Plateau?

I had my 13th round of chemo on 3/10. It was relatively uneventful besides the usual awfulness that is the essence of chemo. The most significant thing about this round was that it was my 4th round since starting back up after surgery. Which meant a CT scan to look at the tumors on my … Continue reading Chemo: Round 13 – Scan, Scan Everywhere a scan, Blockin’ out the scenery, Breakin’ my mind. Do this, don’t do that, Can’t you read the scan?

Tomorrow will be round 12 of Chemo. We're dropping the biologic Panitumumab, which last round had replaced Cetuximab(which had given me an anaphylactic response during my infusion in round 10). So these biologic drugs, they don't actually fight your cancer. What they do is stimulate an immune response so your body is fighting the cancer. … Continue reading Chemo: Round 12 – No More Biologics

I was supposed to receive my 11th round of chemo on Wednesday, 1/27. In a SNAFU in which my oncologist, patient coordinator and oncology pharmacists all do not want to take responsibility for, I did not in fact have my infusion that day. Somewhere along the information flow, a new medication, Panitumumab, which was to … Continue reading Chemo: Round 11 – These Go To Eleven

Well, today was my first Chemo since surgery, scan and the subsequent finding of new cancer growth on my liver. It was bittersweet to see the caring nurses who had hoped they'd see me again sometime under different circumstances. They really are a great team over there and I'm thankful that they take such good … Continue reading Chemo: Round 10 – Same Shit, Different Meds

Well, Fuck. After a successful surgery(surgeries) and a pretty great recovery overall, I had my follow up CT scan and meeting with my oncologist today. It was not the news I wanted or to be honest, was expecting. I have more cancer on my liver. My colon, where the primary cancer originated, looks good. But … Continue reading Well, Fuck.