Cancer is still a huge fucker.

Hi all, I’m writing this post from my hospital bed in Denver. This is not my preferred residence. The hospital staff is wonderful as can be but I wish we weren’t seeing so much of each other.

Friday night I went to sleep with a fever(2 days after my 3rd trial infusion.) Saturday morning I awoke to severe abdominal pain. I called the cancer center 24/7 hotline to see what the oncologist on duty had to say.

I was advised to go to the ER. The pain and fevers are similar to my episode when I was here last month but slightly worse. Higher counts.

I was admitted and I’ve had a number of scans to try and pinpoint the culprit. Still no luck. The teams here at the hospital are working on figuring it out. There’s not set date for me to be released as they want the fever to be gone. I literally just got my temp checked and we’re at 101.5.

My doctors have an idea that it may be a blocked bile duct with fluid that’s collecting around the gallbladder. Tomorrow a few teams of doctors will meet to see if they recommend if a tube to empty those liquids should be put in. It’d prob be permanent.

But increasingly, with all the complications and unknowns, the general consensus is we’re getting to the end of the line here. The scans showed growth which means the trial isn’t working so I’ll cut my losses there.

We’re at the point to make a appointment with the palliative team and find out my goals and how best to achieve them. This will prob be hospice, focusing on my comfort and most likely not responding to something you would think I’d need a hospital for.

So, family and friends, it truly appears the end is coming. I love you all and am grateful for any sort of relationship we may have had and the experiences we have shared together on this wonderful, weird, and wild ride of life.

Please feel free to text, I’m not answering many calls.

Much Love,


7 thoughts on “Cancer is still a huge fucker.

  1. I LOVE you buddy! Words will never express how grateful I am for all of our years of friendship and the memories we have together. Even when there are times between long talks and moments together, you are a huge part of my heart and soul. I love you! ❤️


  2. I’m thinking of you, Matt! This is Patrick, your old buddy from Woodbridge elementary school (Ross St). Your blog has some of the most eloquent writing I’ve ever read. The clear-eyed bravery and honesty you have in the midst of this experience is truly remarkable. I’m honored to have been a friend way back when we were so young.


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