Inconceivable

Even as I sit here in Oncology, hooked up to my 2nd Chemo drug of the day, it’s hard to comprehend my current reality.

Less than 2 weeks ago, I never could have imagined that this is where I’d be today.

I’m certainly not in denial – this is most definitely happening. I have Stage IV Colon Cancer that has metastasized in my liver and possibly a lung. I’m on FOLFOX, one of the harsher and more intense Chemo treatments one can find themselves on. I showed up to the medical facility at 7am this morning and had a port implanted in me while the surgical team played Grateful Dead over the speakers for me.

I was then brought up to the 12th floor of the building to Oncology where I’ve been since, receiving my first Chemo treatment. Again, this all most assuredly happening and very real. But still so surreal and not unlike a bad dream at the same time.

I feel like shit from the Chemo. Slightly nauseous, some hot/cold flashes and just an overall icky feeling. The site where they implanted the port is sore. I’m not stoked about the 3rd Chemo drug that will pump for 46 hours after leave here and live in a little fanny pack which will make me look oh-so-fashionable. It definitely needs a little flair.

The staff here at Kaiser has been great. My nurse for the day is super sweet, competent, attentive and empathetic. I do feel like I’m in good hands.

I’m a little sad, more than a little tired and definitely feeling more empowered now that this fight has begun in earnest. While my current physical state leaves much to be desired, I’m glad to know this is the first step in my road to conquering this bullshit disease and recovery.

That’s about all I have to share right now. Thank you everyone once again for all the texts, phone calls, messages, thoughts, prayers, vibes and overall outpouring of love. I literally would not stand a chance against this disease if I didn’t have you all by my side.

Love and Light(JFC, am I really signing off with this?!?),

Butch

3 thoughts on “Inconceivable

  1. Matt, been thinking about you a lot! I know we haven’t talked in forever, but I will always call you a friend. I’m here to ride this journey with you from afar. Thanks for the updates. I’m praying for ya pal!! I know you will fight fight fight!!! ❤️

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  2. You haven’t met me yet, Matt, but I am a friend of your mothers at Silver Maples. I just wanted you to know how many of us are praying from afar that you aren’t even aware of. God be with you. Lynn Deschere

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  3. Hi Matt, I know we haven’t met yet, but we are very much there with you and Emily in this fight! We love you both. Can’t wait for the day we meet in real life…. I’m sure you’re much more interesting in person than via the Furbo.

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