Death is coming for me.
Don’t get me wrong, death comes for us all, eventually. It’s just that I have to deal with the knowledge that death is aggressively coming for me. Following my footsteps, never far away and forever dangerously close.
I’m not trying to beat death any more. Merely trying to shake it off my trail, if only for a few precious moments. Hiding behind a tree, watching the reaper follow the path past me for just a few brief breaths before it wises up, corrects course and is back on my trail.
I’m trying my best to take the most advantage of this time I’m able to have – and of all the endeavors I’ve undertaken throughout my life, I feel like I’m absolutely crushing this. I often feel unwell but try to push through it with a combination of various devices such as resolve, pain killers, rubber bands, superglue and love.
I’m still in treatment. But I’m continuing the treatment intermittently. A few extra weeks in between here and a few weeks in between there, working with my medical team to receive cycles of chemo amidst my attempt to live as fully as I can and fill my remaining time with with meaningful and fulfilling experiences.
Since I received my 2nd Covid vaccine in March, I’ve traveled and seen as many friends and family as I’ve been able to.
I’ve been to Los Angeles.
Wyoming and Montana.
I went on Phish tour like I was 21 again, seeing 6 shows in 8 days with over 3000 miles on the road, through 9 different states.
I’ve had numerous visitors and even a small party.
I’m currently on a plane to Europe, celebrating my first wedding anniversary that occurred last month, with a belated honeymoon to Spain.
I want you all to promise me that when I’m gone you’re not going to shed tears of sadness over me being gone but tears of joy for the experiences we shared and the times we had together.
I want you to think of me and go to the show. Book the flight. Order the dessert. Have that extra glass of wine. Make the time for who and what is most important to you in your life. I want you to try and live your life to the fullest you can, while you can, just like I’m trying to do.
None of us know exactly when our time will come. It really sucks that I know my end is coming but there’s also a silver lining in that since I am conscious of it, I’m able to try and make this journey to the end look exactly how I want. I truly want you all to do the same. Make your life and journey to the end look exactly how you want, regardless of expected or perceived time left. None of us know for sure just when that time will come, so it’s up to all of us, individually, to spend whatever amount of time that is, with intent.
As always, thank you all for your never ending love and support.
I will continue to try to hold off death as long as I possibly can. I will continue to live this life to the fullest I’m physically able to.
I love you all so much.
Until the next time,